Whod you bang
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
