so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
