i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
