we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
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