I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
