Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
