so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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