We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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