So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Randomize
