then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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