i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Randomize
