my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
