I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize