dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Randomize
