I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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