It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
babies were throwing up all over the place
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
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