my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize