i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
