whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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