dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
You are the jesus of drinking
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
