I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
My hand turned me down
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
