Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
