Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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