As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Randomize
