That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
