I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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