i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
