why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
