We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
