If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
