In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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