Don't make out with my wife yet
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
soo... how was my night?
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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