I looked at my own cervix.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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