god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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