Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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