dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
