All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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