yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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