WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
