Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
