laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
