My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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