I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
