I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
