i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
