He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize