It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize
