Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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