and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
