Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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