I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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