i already hear my dad disowning me
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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