Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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