I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
