the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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