Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
