It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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