OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Houston, we have a blender
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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