im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
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