Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
