just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
