pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
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