I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
