You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
