Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
