how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
