forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
