Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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