i was born a porn star she said
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
whose parrot is this?
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
