I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Randomize