is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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