I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
