apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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