you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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