All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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