tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Randomize
