what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
The best revenge is premature balding
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize