Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize