i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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