But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
